


Running Just As Fast As We Can

by CharlieDoesIt



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Incest, Multi, Sorry Not Sorry, Timeline What Timeline, Vanya Hargreeves Needs A Hug, i don't feel like all of them think they are related, if you want to think it is, soft number five, they love eachother one way or another
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2019-11-05 20:52:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17926148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharlieDoesIt/pseuds/CharlieDoesIt
Summary: They go back in time successfully and they’re thirteen again. They wake up in darkness but they’re in their old beds and they seem too small to be in them. Vanya has amnesia due to five's not so much warning shot, and another one of the members has no memory of what happened due to the Time Jump. They should probably save the world, but they’re teenagers again, what can they do except to enjoy the unenjoyable?





	1. There were five

**Author's Note:**

> SOO I decided to include one of the comic's storyline. The line being five shooting Vanya in the head at the concert instead of Alison and her warning shot.
> 
> They go back to before five disappeared.

Klaus woke up first, he shifted and it felt like a knife had lodged itself into his back. He had the weirdest dream just now, he thought Vanya had been playing the violin in a large cathedral. He could still hear the music ringing in his ears but it was barely two in the morning, but Vanya didn't know how to play. He wondered when he had finally allowed himself to sleep. He was still lying on his back a bead of sweat slipped off of his forehead. The door opened slightly and Klaus shut his eyes again. Ben wiggled himself onto the bed next to him. Usually, Ben would have preferred Diego, but after he had a recent incident with a knife, Diego’s room left something to be desired.

It was a little after Ben had adjusted himself on the edge of the bed that Five came into the room. He slapped Klaus, despite Ben being closest to him, to wake them both up. “Oh ow, Five what’s your problem,” he had knocked Ben over in on accident, an instinct after being slapped in the face. Ben plopped on the ground with a little grunt.

“Luther and Allison are going without defect,” he stared distantly “I m making sure all of us came back in one piece.”

Ben and Klaus looked at each other and back at Five with an equal look of confusion. “Back from where?” they said in unison.

Five tightened his jaw not angry at them but trying to go processing the events happening in front of him and strategizing. “You don’t remember?”

“..No?” he answered not sure of what he was supposed to be remembering, just knowing it was a lot safer to assume he didn’t. 

“The Time Jump,” Klaus'jaw stung a bit his mind slowly processing that Five just hit him again. "Do you not remember anything?" Five rubbed his chin, and the movement slightly reminded Klaus of an old man. "There must have been unseen repercussions that came from transporting all six of us.” He slapped Klaus again although slightly less hard than the last two times, and it was almost like he used it to show his thought process. He walked toward the door “Ben must not remember anything either because I didn’t physically transport him here.” Five walked out of the room Klaus following behind him.

Klaus looked at Ben telling him to lie back down and he’d be right back. He followed Five into Luther’s room, which to both there dismay also held two people. When Five had opened the door they both found a very disgruntled Allison on the floor, Five looked ten layers of disinterested as she scrambled to push herself off the ground. “Where are the others?” was the first thing she asked. 

“Good we have one,” Five said, bluntly. 

“One?” asked Luther, groggily, still slumped on his bed.

“Of course only you’d respond to your assigned number,” Allison said visibly irritated. “No offense Five,” she rubbed the toe of her shoe into the carpet.

“None took,” Five inspected Luther still laying down on his bed “What do you remember Space Boy?”

“That no one’s said that to me since I was a kid,” he looked at his arms and we could almost see his eyes lighten up, “but I guess that’s justified.”

Five squinted his eyes at Klaus “Why are you the only one that doesn’t remember?” he mumbled to himself for a while before looking up.

“He must have been drugged up right?” Luther said making Klaus look at him dumbfounded.

“I don’t even do drugs,” he said, although he did still feel the small blunt he smoked last night in his bloodstream.

“Oh yeah I’m sure,” Allison sassed. “Klaus isn’t the problem right now though,” but before she could finish Five had already walked out of the room going to Diego’s. He was also still asleep. Before Five could walk into the room he Jumped next to Diego’s bed avoiding a throwing knife.

“Every time,” Five sighed “Can you just stop, we understand, you throw knives,” he gestured his hands making fun of Diego,

“I see the old man sentiment stayed,” Diego said getting out of bed. He looked down at his light blue cotton pajamas. “Didn’t miss these.”

There was a slight tap on the door before a drowsy Ben walked in. “Diego I can’t find Klaus and I’m really,” he stopped dead in his tracks. Diego was on his bed, Five in front of the window, Klaus sitting on the floor, and the rest looked like they were seeing a ghost. 

They heard the slight tap of high heels down the hall and they froze, it must’ve been grace, but the familiar sound reminded them, they weren’t alone. “We have to talk now but there’s no way we can talk here,” Five said still not managing to create a master plan by himself. “Take off your shoes it’s easier to sneak up to the attic that way,” he said matter of factly.

Klaus was still out of it from being high, and bearly awake, but he did as he was told, even though Five didn’t mean to include him. 

They had forced Ben to go back to sleep or be their lookout. Ben was always the sweetest out of all of them. Getting in trouble was never his favorite thing, and Sir Reginald scared him so much sometimes they’d catch him shivering, that’s why Klaus tried to stay away.

The attic was dusty, they never came up here out of fear their father would punish them. 

Klaus laid back on a pillow he had brought up. He heard his siblings muttering amongst themselves when he felt a cold shiver run up his pinky. He closed his eyes holding in his fear, they would start yelling at him in a couple of minutes he could feel it. He couldn’t talk to his siblings about it, they didn’t understand. They could never understand being tormented by their power, like a curse, a constant and everlasting phobia that one couldn’t walk away from.

“Klaus,” one said their voice sounding static and older than his family. “Klaus I need you to open your eyes,” it wasn’t yelling. In fact, he wasn’t cold either, his presence was ecstatic, sparkling,  _ alive _ . He did open his eyes. The person was crouched in front of him and Klaus jumped back hitting his head on a part of the roof. 

“Leave me alone,” he said and he didn’t hear his siblings pause. They didn’t ask him who he was talking to, they knew somehow that they could believe him this time.

The man's expression softened his Iron Man facial hair made him look hardened. The ghost was new, not like the ones from fathers training. “Klaus, think about who you are, what time it is,” he edged closer to Klaus. “Touch my forehead, trust me.” He leaned forward and Klaus back up slightly his back now completely on the wall. 

Klaus held out shaking fingers his family following it, but he wasn’t pointing at anything, he was reaching out. His hands didn’t go through this ghost, the ghost went inside of him.

“Are you missing someone?” Klaus asked now calmed down and back to his adult self.

“Klaus?” Diego asked.

“Not me, but yes you are graced by my presence,” Klaus’ aura changed, his siblings hadn’t even noticed how much he had changed. How much the drugs had hidden from his eyes.

“Vanya, the person Five shot in the  _ head _ , does that not ring a bell with any of you?”

“Is it just me or did Klaus say something that made sense?” Luther said astounded.

Five grunted in frustration “You people will never stop being unmanageable no matter was generation we’re in.” He almost seemed afraid, and just the thought of Five being afraid made Klaus shiver.

In Vanya’s room, it was eerily quiet. It was also messy, a luxury the rest of the academy could not part take in. It was also painfully lonely the walls full of sheet music and drawings of her family. They all had a striking realization: they’d never been in Vanya’s room. Diego was always alone in his sharpening his knives. Luther and Allison were doing God knows what behind one of their bedroom’s closed door. Klaus, he had Ben, and he had spirits, both liquid and paranormal, but after a while, he knew if there was enough of one the other would disappear.

Vanya stirred in her bed before looking up at her siblings half in the hallway half inside of her room. “Are you going on a mission?” she asked rubbing at her eyes. Five looked at her and no one could read his expression. 

Klaus could almost recognize the look on Vanya's face, it was something he hadn’t seen or thought about in a long time. 

“Shit!” Klaus said unexpectedly “It’s five am,” Diego looked at him confused “It’s  _ five am _ ,” he repeated. 

“ _ Dad _ ,” they said remembering the rigorous schedule they were forced to inherit as kids.

They all scrambled back to their assigned rooms and before Klaus fully left the room he looked at Five still in Vanya’s room. Klaus wondered now. Wondered what Five had thought about all those years in Apoco-world. He loved Dolores, which they all learned was the top half of a mannequin, but it was like she spoke to him. This was when Klaus wondered what voice he heard from that mannequin.

 


	2. Then there were four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't expect you to react so positively to my writing. I just thought I was writing another continuation of episode ten fan-fiction.  
> THANK YOU!  
> I'll work extra hard now.

Klaus would call this breakfast; Family Mission: Fix Vanya, day one, the first meeting. Not that long of a title though, probably just Fix Vanya, but that makes it sound like she’s broken. Maybe she was. Klaus couldn’t think of one of his sibling adjacents that wasn’t. 

And also just in general, a mission meeting should require more talking.

Vanya ate quietly at the end of the table, she had always sat at one of the ends. Even during lunch and dinner, she was always across from The Monocle. He wondered if it was because she didn’t want to look at them or if she really just felt that isolated from them. There were so many things he wanted to know, so many things he had become aware of because of his newfound sobriety. 

“Hey, are you high again?” Ben whispered through a mouth full of oatmeal. 

_ Oh, the irony.  _ Klaus thought as he zoned back into the conversation looking at a very concerned chubby face. Klaus almost couldn’t remember what Ben looked like before he was forced to follow his idiocy every minute of the day.

He raised his eyebrow “No, Ben how dare you accuse me of,” before he could finish Ben raised an annoyed eyebrow. Klaus sighed “No Ben-athen not high.”

“Good because it’s group training day, and if  _ he _ finds out,” Ben bit his lip returning to eating. With another stuffed mouth he turned back to Klaus “I think Pogo already suspects.”

“Well there’s nothing more to suspect because I’m throwing it all out.” he ached at just the thought of all of that perfectly good weed going into the sewer system. He also remembered deceased Ben punching him in the face and saving them at the Icarus theater. Using his power had given him a newly found high. One he didn't have to buy.

Ben looked at him reserving his emotions as he continued eating.

Five had been quietly writing in a notebook the entire morning and Klaus could see Vanya glancing at him every couple of minutes. 

 

Five watched as the others walked out of the kitchen only twenty minutes until they had to get into their training gear. 

They were going to attract the attention of the commission soon, it was inevitable. This was more than just changing the apocalypse, this was about changing how they worked, every mechanism that made them who they were.

He had told his sibling to remember who they were, even though he was having the hardest time. For the others, it had only been seventeen years but he was  _ fifty-eight _ . He was too old for this shit.

He washed his plate and sauntered over to the gaping hole they called a door frame. He was almost out of the room when someone grabbed his arm.

She cleared her throat, “Um Five?” Vanya said, quickly letting go of his arm as though he had burned her.

He quirked his eyebrow “Yes Vanya, what is it?” he didn’t remember this conversation. He erased all of their conversations long ago.

She looked at his shirt “Are you-are you still going to ask him?” She hesitantly looked up at his face “I know. I know I don’t have anything special about me. It’s hard for me to understand wanting to do more with a power, but I'm saying this once Five. Don’t time-travel.” This time she spoke with certainty. It was a statement, a threat, not a question. “You’re not going to find what you’re looking for.”

_ Shit.  _ Dolores, you weren’t right after all, it wasn’t the one I miscalculated, it was the  _ three _ . Well this is certainly a  riveting revelation only its forty-years too late.

It was in the hour-long break they had between training and showering, and lunch at two, when Five grabbed his four Time companions and threw them into his room. “Today's the day I went to the apocalypse,”

Luther stood straighter “Why’s this a problem? Don’t we have to change everything that happened?” He looked at Allison's neck quick enough for the others not to notice. “We have to worry about training this afternoon.”

“Aren’t there bigger things to worry about?” Diego said from the corner of the room.

Allison looked baffled “I think keeping our character is going to play a big role in whether this works out, but Five going missing is pretty big thing Luther.”

Klaus wanted to join in, but he was still wary of the respect he had earned when he conjured Ben. So he stayed quiet, finally missing the annoyed looks he always earned from Ben.

“I was also thinking about what this means with the commission,” Luther said.

“They’ll definitely notice if I’m not in the apocalypse.” Five said beginning to scribble on a notepad again.

“What if they do?” Klaus asked.

Five was unable to answer as the lunch bell rung. “Remember the most important thing is to act as you did, we can’t alert Hargreaves either.”

 

The mountaineering record was playing distantly in the background. Lunch always seemed to be the only time they all seemed without worry. They were all teenagers having a quiet lunch. Diego always wished Grace could sit at the table as well. Hargreaves was heartless enough that he left two seats empty. Two empty seats everyone was too scared to sit in. 

It was always so painfully quiet, Five thought. No wonder they all left after Ben. No wonder Five hadn’t been eager to see his family together again. He had tried so hard to forget this. Everything about his time with all his sibling, about when he left them behind. Even when Dolores asked him to tell her. She was so adamant about it he finally gave in. When they had their wedding ceremony she asked him if he missed them. He didn’t tell her the truth, he said he missed all five of them. Not six, not Seven in many ways.

Five was done with his obnoxious siblings. They were all awkward and hesitant to keep in character. Klaus was rolling up a blunt he could see it across the table, he wondered how long he could keep his sobriety going. Especially with the temptation of his young and clean liver. 

Ben read the entire time. “ _ Perhaps the feelings that we experience when we are in love represent a normal state. Being in love shows a person who he should be.”  _ It was Ben's favorite quote from Anton Chekhov. He wrote it on the first page of the novel he carried around like a bible. It was the only part of the book that had burned off and Five had resorted to copying it on every copy of Chekhov's book he could find.

Diego continues scratching at his chair when Five grabbed his own knife stabbing the table. His sibling looked up at him he could see it in their faces, they remembered mourning someone they hadn’t seen in years.

When he looked at Vanya the last time, he saw her for the first time. Her amber hair and ridiculous bangs Grace had cut so she could feel pretty like Allison. She didn’t need those bangs. Her eyes were so alive. When her face showed frailty and anxiety there was always firewood being set ablaze in her eyes. He wanted to reach out, to feel her soft cheek, but he couldn’t. That wasn’t what happened that day. He turned back to his father, his ridiculous monocle, and know-everything orientation.

He ran.

It was like before, he felt all of his anxiety come back. Like a veteran covering their ears from gunshots. He closed his eyes but he could feel the heat from the fires, smell the heat. He remembered when he had yelled for Vanya his other siblings coming like an afterthought to her and Ben.

“Finally,” she said, a cockiness ingrained into her voice “I have been waiting ages it feels.”

“Handler.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you feel about the whole Vanya, Five thing?


	3. We Don’t Gain, We’re Hargreeves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goodbye, Five.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think you're ready for what's about to happen.  
> Also this chapters kind of longer than the others so please have faith in me.

It was painful, and hard to admit to themselves, but Five was gone.

It was almost going to be three years since Five had run out on them again. They were devastated, resigned to believe that they had to relive all the torment once again. Klaus locked in the mausoleum since he was eight, he was sure Hargreeves bought each number their own reserved hell, but he was trying so hard not to use drugs again. 

None of them knew what the worst part was, that they were forced to relive their childhood again? That they didn’t have a plan? They were forced to act, play their part in history as it had been written before. The stepping in a peanut butter-marshmallow sandwiches every corner.

Everything had to mean a lot more this time around. But there was still a large aching feeling in his body. Not withdraw it was something like loneliness. He and Ben were close, but it wasn’t like when he was a ghost. He only told ghost Ben about the dark room of torture because he couldn’t tell anyone else.

Back before they lost Ben, Klaus was too high to even be allowed on missions. He couldn’t have helped any of them anyways, Klaus’ power was always the least useful of the bunch. There was a time when he’d see Vanya’s face across the street, he wished he could have her loneliness. His face away from the press. Ben’s blood covered cheek away from all the people who took his code name too far. 

He didn’t think she really understood how lucky she was that Hargreaves had forced her to forget her power.

Poor Vanya, when a month had passed the siblings had made a deal. Everything had to go the same, they couldn’t fight the commission without Five, they couldn’t change anything until Five came back. So it was set, Vanya was still the weak empty body they all passed when they walked to their own corner of the house.

Klaus’ felt more empty than ever, and he didn’t have his drugs to blame this time. It was just him and everything buzzing too loudly around him

Dave was the only one who understood. He didn’t ask about anything either. Back then they were all broken. On the battlefield Klaus had grown used to the ghosts, most we’re on the brink of living and dying. Empty caskets of people that still knew how to pull the trigger.

Dave didn’t ask why he shivered at night, why he looked yellow and unhealthy. Going through withdrawals was horrible, going through war and withdrawals was hell.

Anyone who still wanted Klaus after that deserved his soberness. He flattened the board on the floor. Diego had given him an ouija board years ago as a joke, this was before he realized it had honed his power. He never needed it, there was never anyone he wanted to talk to. He needed to see Dave, almost like he needed to breathe, but he couldn’t conjure him. No matter how much he tried it was useless.

There were so many voices surrounding him as he opened himself up to them. He dragged the planchette. D, it was the first night in Vietnam when he had been taken up as just another body to be made a soldier. A, Dave gave him a nickname he called him Alien because one moment he wasn’t there and another he was. V, they feared so much, if the war didn’t get them first, then the person that saw them kissing behind a bead curtain would. E, he concentrated on his hair, the first time they had gotten an uninterrupted shower Klaus had seen just how golden it was.

He needed him, but something stuck Klaus’ like a lightning bolt. A realization that maybe he didn’t die, maybe Klaus had been the reason he died. In this timeline, he hadn’t gone back yet. He could still be out there. 

“Where am I?” he phased into the room sitting in front of Klaus. There was a moment when Klaus stilled his hand, he stared at the Azul planchette where his finger rested.

There was so much going on in his head that he gave in, his mind too busy to process the pain. “Dave, it’s,” he didn't realize when he had begun to cry, but the tears weren’t stopping anytime soon. “It’s Klaus, I know this is weird and confusing but,” a hand stilled him.

Dave was ruffling his hair, or he had reached out to, but his hand phased through it. He made a face before crossing his legs on the other side of the board again. “When I chose to fall in love with a boy his dad nicknames Séance I knew I was in for some weird shit.” He chuckled and it was soft and so utterly beautiful “I would recognize that odd curly hair anywhere.”

“I needed to see you, everything is so complicated,” Klaus tried to explain.

“It’s always has been, Alien” Dave chuckled. 

“Why can I just now see you?” Klaus asked.

“Why did you need to?” Dave leaned back his dark green shirt riding up his stomach.

Klaus was struck with a curious frown. “Because I love you.” was his only answer, it was the only answer he needed.

Dave’s eyes softened all he could see was a broken sixteen-year-old boy, not the man he loved. “You need permission, Klaus.” 

“Why is it that as soon as people turn into ghost they turn into cynical bastards?” He almost reached up to dry his eyes, he couldn’t let go just yet.

Dave sighed as if Klaus was the biggest idiot on the planet.  _ He was _ . He was the biggest, fattest idiot in town. “You love B-,”

Thunder roared outside of his bedroom. The house shook and his finger slipped off the board, “No, Dave,” he shouted clawing at the floor, if he couldn’t bring him back he'd make his fingers bleed scratching at where he’d been. He needed answers, he couldn’t leave him like that. He grabbed the planchette preparing his mind for another summoning when it slipped from under his fingers and out of the window down to the courtyard. Like a magnetic force had commanded it to follow.  _ Shit, shit.  _ He knew what this was. _ Shit!  _

He ran to the courtyard seeing an all too familiar angelic blue hole in the sky. Five fell to the floor, but this time he didn’t get up and go into the house. He laid there as his family stared in shock. Finally, Hargreeves ordered them to bring him into the house. Inside his sibling looked at each other fear unhidden in each of their faces. They somewhat threw his still unconscious body onto the surgical table.

They all surrounded the table Vanya stood at the door looking in on them. Five was covered in blood. Almost like Ben whenever his monster was set loose, but with Five it was concentrated on his hand like he had dipped them both into a jar of jam. They knew what those hands were capable of, they were there when his bullet landed on the side of Vanya's head. Grace cut off his uniform revealing a glistening hole. “The trouble this child gets us into,” Hargreeves mumbled as he began working. He demanded Pogo get us out of the room, and Pogo wistfully obliged.

They didn’t care about each other. It wasn’t sad. It was just a fact. Luther and Allison where their own thing, Klaus he had Ben sometimes, Diego he had his knives, but Vanya in some weird way had had Five. She wasn’t one of Hargreeves soldiers, but she forced herself to be empty and the only time anyone had seen anything from her was with Five. It was probably the work of the medication she was forced to drink every morning, but she was still in there with him. She was frozen in a point between living and wanting to die. 

Vanya left to her room without saying a word.

It had been hours, it felt like years. Klaus was twitching for some medications of his own when Ben snuck into his room. It was already late at night and the rest of the house was settling down around them. They were far enough that they couldn’t hear the commotion of surgery.

“I didn’t think he’d come back,” Ben said when he laid down on the bed. Klaus who was sitting on the floor turned around so his arms were resting on the cushion and his head rested on his crossed arms. 

“I never knew you to be the cynical one,” Klaus lied. Of course Ben would turn out to be the sassiest of the bunch. Most likely it was death that finally pushed him over the edge but there was something about his roughness Klaus admired. He was little like Diego in that way, but also like Luther because he went for what he wanted. After death only. Before, the version of Ben right in front of him, he was shy, he never spoke up for himself even when he didn’t want to kill. He never wanted to be covered in blood and guts, Klaus knew a bit about that, but yet Hargreaves had the audacity to name Ben “ _ The Horror _ ” it was disgusting.

Ben sighed “I’m not being cynical Klaus,” he threw his head back on the pillow staring up at the ceiling as if he was looking at the night sky. “It’s what’s going to happen to all of us one day,” his voice went quiet and Klaus almost couldn’t hear the “we can’t be heroes forever.”

A random funny thought entered Klaus’ mind, he didn’t know if Ben’s puberty was late, or if he’d be forced to look like a baby the rest of his life.

Allison busted into the room before Klaus could say anything else “He’s awake.”

Luther and Hargreaves were standing in the main living room when the rest of them walked down. Five was on top of the bar still covered in blood his shirt torn and a bandage was wrapped around his waist. “Listen to me old man, we’ve done this before you’re the only missing part of the equation you need to listen to reason.”

“I told you time travel would muddle your brain boy,” Hargreeves said clenching his fist “Number One please restrain Number Five until we can get him under control.”

Luther walked over to the bar when Five Time Jumped in front of the library. “You're going to help us stop the apocalypse.” Five demanded as Hargreeves hardened his expression.

“You know nothing of the things I have to aid with, your silly games stop now.”

“Allison,” Five yelled even though she was closest to him, “Rumor him, it’s the only way we can do it this time.”

It was happening so fast or Allison. Three years without seeing Five she had forced herself to say goodbye to her daughter, but this was something she felt as though she could do for her. “For Claire,” she whispered and it was a name that hadn’t been spoken in longer than she could remember. Only her body was sixteen, her father didn’t own her mind, he didn’t own any of them.

“I heard a rum-” her voice was cut off by a wet choking noise. She coughed blood onto the front of her shirt. The sibling looked at her in fear and mild disgust. Hargreaves seemed smug as if he was untouchable.

When Diego yelled at him accusing him of doing something with her power he denied it. They didn’t know what happened, Vanya couldn’t use her powers, but it was like in the cabin. They had heard her use her power before, she used it last week on a mission in London, but now she was powerless. Like if time had caught up with her. It was like time had corrected itself and slit her throat again.

When she opened her mouth to speak again the only thing that came out was a pained cry. A pained cry and darkness as each of the sibling blacked out one by one losing touch with reality and slipping into a blissful dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I keep writing it with the changing point of view format?
> 
> And what is going on?  
> Evil laugh


	4. The Problem of Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They kind of have a plan?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of dialogue, they have a lot of pent up feelings. 
> 
>  
> 
> I kind of know what I'm doing don't worry.

Vanya's tongue moved uncomfortably in her mouth. There was an overwhelming metallic tang in her mouth but the absence of pain reassured her that she was well. In fact it was almost like she didn't feel anything at all. It wasn’t like when she was taking her medicine, Leonard was the reason she knew it wasn’t.  _ Bastard _ . This emptiness was because guilt was filing every crevice of her being and it was spilling out.

She thought of Leonard calling her weak, calling her ordinary, all of them got away with calling her ordinary, and it hurt more than she could ever say. It was one of the only things she allowed herself to feel, one of those things that had caused marks on her arms and legs. She had almost turned sadistic looking for more things that could hurt, more people that could look down on her. 

It wasn’t until her concert that she truly felt more than ordinary, she felt phenomenal. But there was something that had been gnawing at her insides. She couldn’t stop feeling an overwhelming sense of undeservingness, she hadn’t worked for those powers. She couldn’t just learn to control them in the woods with her boyfriend, not when her siblings were locked in rooms, drowned, and tortured in thousands of different ways to hone in their own.

It was Allison's smile. When Allison smiled at her it was something so groundbreakingly unreal to Vanya that it was the only time she allowed herself to feel deserving of praise. She had earned it her powers, she had gone through the same torment as her siblings. Except had something she didn't: each other. For that someone had to pay, they were all guilty. They all owned hands that forced down her pills. 

She scrunched her face remembering the life force of her siblings being drained. She felt them almost like an extension of herself. She remembered how good it felt to take from them, but then the loud ringing noise sounded, and she was surrounded by pain.

She stirred and sat straight up her breath becoming more labored every second she clutched her chest. She looked down patting herself for blood when the only thing she touched were light blue cotton pyjamas. It was then when she started screaming. It was an anomalous thing to hear herself yell. 

She was shaking and still yelling when Hargreeves walked in. “Why in the world are you yelling at the top of your lungs girl.”

Vanya turned her head eyes widening. She stood up in her bed. “What the,” she grabbed a book off her nightstand holding it above her head.

“Enough of this nonsense Number Seven get down and explain yourself,” this was obviously a dream, her father was dead. 

“Why am I in this body?” she whispered.

“Wait you remember?” Luther said as he walked into her room. He was normal again, sixteen, tall and high strung. He looked up at her his perfect blond hair showing no signs of being previously ruffled on a pillow, she wondered what time it was in the real world. She wanted to wake up, wanted to see how her concert had gone.

“Remember what?” she questioned regaining her footing on the small twin bed.

“Ah Number One you are awake,” Hargreeves stated the obvious getting distracted by the other sixteen-year-old. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine father thank you for your concern?” he nodded along with his response.

“What’s going on?” Allison said from the hallway. Vanya's room was by far the smallest, only a bed and dresser to keep her company; so much of nothing in such a small space, it seemed right.

“Vanya remembers,” Luther said turning to Allison.

Allison quirked an eyebrow “Remembers what?”

“The apocalypse,” he whispered growing weary of the whole situation.

Allison chuckled “Oh yeah the  _ apocalypse _ ,” she wiggled her hands in the air. “Good one Luther.” 

He scrunched up his face in confusion. Before Luther had a chance to speak more Hargreaves clapped his hands like they were circus animal who needed to be reminded of who their master was. “Breakfast will be in half an hour. Since you all seem to be fine, go and wake the others,” he sighed deeply “One please don’t let them continue their nonsense I’ll be back for mid-day mealtime.”

  
  


“Wait so now Vanya remembers, but Allison, what, doesn’t?” Klaus said stuffing his face with eggs. They all had tried their best to explain to Number Three the situation, but it was understandably too much. She grabbed her plate and left to her room, Luther visibly held himself back from following.

“Pretty much,” Luther had caught Vanya up on all of the recent event, careful not to hide any bitterness from his tone. If everyone thought the angst between Diego and Luther was bad, boy would they have a field trip with  _ Vanya _ and Luther’s. “Five any information to add that would fill the gaping holes?”

Five hadn’t said a word since Luther had filled them in on everything. “Five!” Luther called. Five jumped suddenly, making him look directly at Vanya. If anyone had noticed his sudden flushed face, no one mentioned anything.

He turned to Luther summoning all the annoyance his prepubescent boy body could muster. “What?” he spat. They all wanted memory related questions answered, he knew that. Unfortunately he was just as clueless. He had been going over every possible reason, but time travel wasn’t something he was good at. Hence the reason this all started, but he knew even less about time travel as a group. “I-” he sighed “I don’t know, and no I don’t know if you’ll have your girlfriend back. So if you could please shut the  _ fuck up _ .”

“What’s your problem?” Luther bent over his plate.

“You  _ are _ the one who cause her to blow up?” Klaus chimed in cheekily.

“I did what dad would have thought was best.” Luther retorted.

“No you did it as revenge and out of fear. Vanya's better than you.” Diego yelled he was always careful when he was angry. He thought his stuttering was a sign of weakness, just like dear dad had forced him to believe. “She’s  _ so _ much stronger than Dad had to lock her up. Just like you did,” before Diego could continue there was a loud noise from the other side of the table. Five’s hand had gripped harshly around his cup shattering it over the table.

“You did what?” Five said his uniform slightly drenched with orange juice.

“He locked Vanya in that scary anti-sound chamber down in the dungeon,” Klaus said.

“You're the one that triggered the apocalypse.” Five said under his breath as if his brothers stupidity couldn’t even register in his mind.

“I didn’t trigger it Vanya did,” Luther said as if it was a valid answer.

“No Vanya can’t control her powers.” Five sighed harshly “I was giving up the woman I loved to have a normal childhood and you were out causing the apocalypse!” he sighed finding no reason to waste more energy on Luther “Where’s Number Six?”

The question left the table unsettled “It his training day,” Klaus whispered.

“So this was the first time we’ve all collectively blacked out like that,” Diego suddenly pointed out. “Maybe it had something to do with Five.”

Sensing his sibling’s confusion he continued “Five was gone for years, he wasn’t supposed to come back when we were sixteen. Our blackouts must be connected to major and spontaneous changes to the timeline.”

“Wait,” Five said his mind racing with new problems his sibling continued to create for him. “You’re telling me that was the first time all of you blacked out like that?” Five asked earning nods from his siblings. “I’ve been gone for almost three years correct?” They nodded ashamed sensing where this was going “You idiots haven't changed a single thing?” He stood from his seat yelling.

“It was too dangerous,” Luther defended “We couldn’t fight the commission by our selves.”

“Well they won't be a problem for a small fraction of time,” he said still angry.

“Why do you say that Five?” Vanya joined.

“The Handler was waiting for me in the future so I took care of her.” he grimaced.

“You mean,” Diego didn’t finish, he didn’t have to.

Five took a deep breath. His siblings were idiots, but he needed them to be part of the plan. Leaving them out had caused them to have their own stupid plans that all led to chaos. So this time he could at least pretend like they were a part of the effort. “Ok, so what we know is that there are four consciences that can be shared like you would pass a baton so if we change anything we have to make sure we all know where we are so we don’t randomly blackout.” 

He looked down at his plate “Also Vanya has to stop taking her medication.”

“How can you even suggest that,” Luther argued.

“No,” Vanya stated not wanting to hear her siblings argue with Five.

“We came back so we could stop the apocalypse don’t you think putting it into hyperdrive will, oh I don't know,  _ start the apocalypse _ .” Luther's balled up fist made contact with the table with less force than he expected and he was humbled for at least a second.

“I don’t know I think locking your sister in a soundproof vault kind of did the job last time,” Vana looked at him straight in the eye. If there was one useful thing Leonard had given her, it was a tiny sliver of confidence.

“You had just slit Allisons throat! You blew up the house! You killed Pogo” He yelled.

“Don’t you think I know that,” she said against gritted teeth, “News flash Number One, I was there.”

She hadn’t realized when she had stood up, but she towered over Luther. “I'm still taking my meds don’t worry,” she sighed.

“No your not,” Five finally let himself into the argument.

“Yes I am, if Allison hadn’t fired that warning shot.” Vanya's voice was wet and Five couldn’t force himself to look at her. 

Allison fired a warning shot. That was the story they had told her. He didn’t know who the story was saving, but it had to be able to do the job.

Mission Fix Vanya was now Mission What The Fuck Is Wrong With This Family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone may be missing in this chapter, but don't worry I'll do him good next chapter.


	5. Sad Boys Get Stiches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben gets home from a mission, Klaus doesn't know how to deal with young Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually try to make my chapters at least a thousand and a half words, but I'm saving the good stuff for the next three chapters.

Hargreeves was a dick. Ben might even think he was the biggest dick on the planet, with the smallest in his pants, which is of course he suspected was why he had to construct a wife. Sometimes though he would just out dick himself. Like how he ignored how much the monster in Ben’s stomach hurt him.

They might be trained to save the world, but never how to save themselves.

It was barely Saturday when Ben limped into his bathroom. His day was supposed to end before ten in the afternoon, but their dear old dad waited until the children all fell asleep to bring Ben back. It was mostly because he looked like a walking Biohazard Remediation Contractor.

He stood in the shower because taking a bath would just make him feel like a _Carrie_ wannabe. His forehead burned against the cold side panel of his the shower wall. He watched bright red flow down the drain, the water diluting it and it looked like it would never stop flowing off of him.

His hair was matted down but when the soap ran down his neck and throat it stung the slashes that resided on his chest. He’d have to ask Grace to clean them up, some of them looked like they even needed to be stitched up, and each one brought on another level of disgust.

He felt repulsive even after two showers and a void where he was supposed to feel. They always had this affect on him, like he could never get clean, and it was probably more about him emotionally than physically. He heard light footsteps going up to the bathroom and then they stopped probably noticing the light on. The footsteps paced back and forth before leaving back to their room.

  


Klaus couldn’t sleep. He wanted drugs, and yes he had told his siblings he was sober, but he didn’t add that he was only sober from drugs. He was a drunk, like an old man, ironically, a bit like Five. He didn’t do it often just a little encouragement to control the spirits. Unfortunately at the moment neither was to blame for his insomnia. It was because he was worried about their recent problems of memory. If someone were to do something grand enough to change the timeline he could lose his memory for a while. He worried that he’d have to ask one of his siblings to tie him up in order to not allow his idiot sixteen-year-old conscience the ability to get high. If he got high then he would definitely want to stay that way.

Frustrated he threw his blankets off of his body and onto the floor. He walked down the dark hallway and was almost at the door when he noticed the light. He felt the warmth radiating off of the door and the only person that took boiling hot showers was Ben. He missed his Ben the older ghost version of him that said every thought that popped in his head like they had no repercussions, and well it was because most didn’t.

He remembered one that did, and it was something he carried around like a brick lodged in his body. A dull aching always came from it, and it was a moment he still refused to process or acknowledge.

He turned back to his room, he didn’t want to talk to Ben. He didn’t want to see the red skin his training brought, and showers made worse. He wanted his invincible Ben, whose skin never got damaged.

It was almost one o’clock when he heard footsteps pass his door and travel upstairs. He scrunched his eyes pleading his mind to ignore them. To ignore Ben and his misery, but to think his mind would comply well it would be a cosmic joke to large for any of the Hargreeves.

After searching the entire house he heard quiet voices coming from the hospital room. He peaked in seeing Ben laying down and Grace stitching his chest. “Will they scar again?” Ben asked quietly, ashamed as if it would be his fault his body was mangled, and in his eyes, grotesque.

“Yes,” she said unable to lie.

He frowned up at the ceiling “Do any of the others have scars?”

“Yes,” she continued pulling at the string.

“Which ones?” he didn’t seem to be in pain so she must have given him medicine. The strong kind that you have to inject and Klaus was itching for it.

“Vanya,” Vanya shouldn’t have scars she didn’t train with them. Klaus ignored the other sibling's names wondering; it must have been her clumsiness, he noticed she wasn’t careful with herself. Being told you’re less than those around you and being isolated could lead you to have many different scars, and he worried he had more in common with Vanya than they both knew.

He waited outside of the room for Ben so when he finally slumped out Klaus stole him.

 

Ben’s body felt too big for him, he was encased in discomfort. Klaus felt miles away from him, and they weren’t like they used to be. Klaus used to be his friend, but it changed when Five left. It made no sense to Ben that those were connected unless Klaus was madly in love with Five, which he wasn't it. He would have told him if he were. Right?

“What did he do to you this time?” Klaus whispered when they had reached the courtyard.

“Klaus do you ever just hate feeling sorry for yourself?” Ben said suddenly. He knew what he said, he wished he could care. “I mean it’s not a jab at you obviously, I’m talking about in general. Like we’re all Hargreaves we all have training days, we all endure torture, but sometimes I just don’t want to. I don’t want to be trapped in a room with animals until I practice tearing them apart in different ways. I’m not supposed to eat on my day because I always throw it up. I’m always snuck into our house because I’m drenched in blood and it’s disgusting. I also think about you guys.”

“What about us?” Klaus’ voice is distant, and Ben knew that after he went to sleep, he’d acknowledge that he was talking too much.

“You guys must go through your own thing, remember that time Allison accidentally rumored those ten people to jump off the roof of a bank. She must feel bad about that. We all have our accidents, our own torment, but here we are feeling sorry for ourselves.” Ben really wanted to look at Klaus. Klaus could love Five, it’s not like they shared everything with each other, especially, Ben realized, not who they loved.

“Way to make me feel like a dick Ben-athen,” Ben could hear a smile in the other boy’s voice, and he knew he was going to be okay. He knew he could say anything he wanted to, and this level of comfort was bad for them both. He wanted to say so much. Even, Ben thought he would say it all even if it destroyed all the peace.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want you all to know how much I appreciate all the support I've been getting for this story. I try to make every chapter interesting enough for you to keep reading. I'm sorry it's taking me so long to finish, my plot line keeps getting messy. Also as any other disaster writer would, I already have a follow-up story that continues after this one, but it might just be a one-shot.


	6. 3:40 am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The siblings don't ever sleep like normal human beings, they all have to be doing their own thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't thoroughly read this one, we die like men.

“Can you all explain to me what you were doing last night?” Five looked around the group, and it put more fear into them, then Reginald ever could, and he tortured them.

“Depends what time?” Luther said as if he would ever go out of his way to do something useful enough to change the timeline. Five ignored him. 

“I want to know who changed the timeline,” he spoke sharply his head pulsating with pain from falling unexpectedly on the floor.

Ben and Klaus were nowhere to be found but that was usual behavior for them.

“It was around four in the morning and one of you did something!” He yelled hitting the table.

* * *

 

3:40 am

[00.01]

He had failed as a leader. The apocalypse was Vanya’s fault, but maybe he could have killed her before the vault. He had failed as a brother too, just not to Vanya. The family didn’t mean much to him, it had been something he engraved into his being. He would do anything it took to save the world, to make Dad proud of him. Now he had his doubts that any of his family cared about the world. 

Pogo’s words rang true in his ear, maybe being sent to the moon had been his father's way of saving him, or maybe even loving him. Maybe it was the only way he could, just like keeping Vanya alive was his way of loving Allison.

There was a creak as his door opened slightly. A small figure came in closing the door behind her carefully. “Luther,” she whispered aggressively “are you awake?”

He rolled over smiling “Yeah I am now.”

She cringed “Sorry I woke you. I need to talk to you about something.” He smiled at himself, he still had time to change history. Change it in a meaningful way that would prove to his siblings that the Umbrella Academy was a success, that their childhood hadn’t been robbed from them, but given a purpose that was too big for them to understand.   
  


3:40 am

[00.03]

There was some great meaning to life that she could not understand, and could not get close enough to when she was in this home. She always woke up in the night, her murderous dreams tearing her morality one scene at a time.

She heard the house settle down around her like ghosts playing games with her sanity. She wistfully gazed at the posters of her on her walls and she wished her power could rumor her to stay in that one place where she could be loved in a meaningful way. She tossed around her bed almost hitting herself on one of the bedposts when she stood up. 

There was one person she wanted to see right now, and there was so much that she messed up between them. It didn’t matter if the love was real or not, and it didn’t matter what kind she got, but she needed something to bring her back to sanity. 

She walked next door looking at all the rooms to make sure everyone was asleep, and then she went to her beacon of light.

 

3:40 am

[00.04]

He didn’t remember this night in the courtyard, yet he doubted it was because of Five. He hated time travel, he felt disgusted and drained. It made him quiet and it wasn’t like Klaus to be quiet. He wasn’t tired either, and for once he wasn’t itching for a hit or shag. Ben was just so much, he wanted to leave him behind. He stood up forcing his body to move. Ben’s expression was unreadable to Klaus, and if Five's appearance had caused Ben to run away tonight then Klaus would be ok with that. Ben deserved so much better than everything that was in that house, and everything he thought Klaus was. 

Ben’s words about pain made sense, and it was torturing him. Klaus wasn’t alone in pain, but he was the weakest of all of them, that’s why he didn’t save Ben or Dave. He was determined that he’d rather die than leave Ben again, and that meant not being weak.

 

3:40 am

[00.05]

It was cruel not telling her the truth. He shot her, which is bad, but he shot her in the head, which is especially bad. He prepared himself to live with the guilt of murdering a monster, but Vanya survived, and she was pink and fluffy and quiet, and so human it hurt him. The human part of her is what survived it haunts him to know he tried to kill that part too. He didn't know how he was going to live with the feeling of pulling the trigger, of seeing her body drop like an empty shell. He’s a trained assassin his feelings should be non-existent, he didn’t have them for such a long time, he almost hated his family. Why did his family force him back from the emptiness? He felt so desperate to turn the switch off again, to feel numb and adrift.

He was alone in the kitchen and was too tired to even complain about the lack of coffee there was in there. He grabbed bread, peanut butter, and marshmallows, a ritual he was sure could cure depression.

There was a laugh behind him, and the cold basement lost its frigidness for a millisecond. Vanya walked up the counter before hoisting herself up and sitting on it. “I thought I’d find you here. You always did it when you had too much going on” She smiled at Five, and it was the most disgust he’d ever felt in himself in a while, he really didn’t deserve that smile.

“Yes well, when all your siblings are pretty much useless you find yourself to be a tad distraught.” He monotoned. She frowned looking down at him. He’d let her leave if she wanted to, he was in no position to call her back, but she showed no intention of doing so she just sat there.

“You know what your problem is Five?” Angry was never a good look on anyone, but Vanya was more than justified in hating everyone forever.

“I suppose you're about to tell me,” he sighed into his sandwich.

“You're a pretentious dick,” she spat. His half-chewed bite lodged itself in his throat and he started choking. “You and the rest of the family were so incongruous with each other, so self-righteous in your desperate little quests to save the Earth you didn’t realize it was each of you that started it.” She chuckled miserably “I may have been the one that blew up the moon, but all of you were the fuel. A bomb doesn’t explode without a scientist inventing it, and a detonator pushing the button. A bomb, it’s just something that was created like that, it itself has no control over how much harm it can do.” She jumped off the counter walking toward the hole in the wall.

“Vanya,” Five whispered. He didn’t think she’d hear it. Or he hoped she wouldn’t, but it was Vanya, she was always full of surprises. 

3:55 am 

[00.06]

Could he really destroy the peace? He thought he’d be able to but it was Klaus, beautiful, wistful Klaus. Druggy but huggy. Ben couldn’t help but smile looking up at him. His heart racing was in no way helping his bleeding situation, but at least with the shot of morphine, his mom had given him he couldn’t feel anything.

“I,” he laughed a bit “I finally know what you mean when you do something and blame it on the drugs.” Ben worried what he meant by this, if he acknowledged what he said, did that mean that anything he said or did after, couldn’t be excused.

Klaus’ laugh was dry and absent “You could spill hot soup on me and I’d be the one to apologize to you.”

Ben huffed pushing on his knees to help him stand up “This isn’t spilling hot soup though, and if you were to apologize then I think it would kill me.”

The taller boy frowned down at him, they were both worried at how this night might end.

“I think,” Ben shook his head “uh no, I mean, I don’t think, I know, I know I love you.”

Klaus laughed wholeheartedly before looking at Ben again “Wait, you're serious? In like a not family way?”

Ben nodded ashamed in himself “Christ on a cracker Ben, that's really something I, huh,” he laughed poking Ben and singing "You love me."

Ben hit Klaus’ shoulder “It’s not funny Klaus.”

“No I love you too,” Klaus said, and before he could step away from him Ben kissed him. They both fell down, they rolled down the hill laughing. Consider the peace broken, but then Klaus passed out, and it was a whole other layer of what the hell for Ben.

 

3:55 am

[00.07]

She heard her name as if it had flowed to her ears like music. His voice was smooth and uncertain, he felt so much pain, but it wasn’t like Vanya to confront people. It would make him feel worse if she forgave him for shooting her. She knew that it was who he was, she saw it in his eyes when he had shown up at her apartment. He was a killer. She didn’t know if the other shots were justified, but her bullet was. He ended it the only way he knew how to, but he had shown such little interest in the family it shocked her that he was mentally breaking over an action erased by his time travel.

She clenched her hands turning around. “What?”

He looked surprised before he took control of his face again. He cleared his throat “Have you stopped taking your medicine?”

She wanted to punch him, her hand shook with it. “Of course not Five.” She huffed “If Klaus’ power unleashed the undead, or if yours caused a black hole that could wipe out the existence of life, would you not do everything in your power to dampen those powers?” She hadn’t cried, not since she turned into the White Violin, but now she was. She felt the tears gather on her chin and cling there until they made her shirt wet.

Her eyes were closed and she jumped when she felt a hand on her cheek. Five was looking at her with big eyes. “It’s  _ your  _ power,” he whispered and she felt his breath soft on her neck “You deserve to use it.” He hugged her tight like he wished he had at meal time before he stabbed the table and gone to Hell. “You deserve everything in the world.”

He pulled back their bodies still close, and there was a moment were they were binary stars destined to never be away from each other. She was going to get something she’d wanted more than she ever knew if only the world hadn’t gotten in her way. It was like a cosmic payback when her mind went dark.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was Ben and Klaus by the way. Fivya was so close to their moment, but I seem to be emotionally drained at their paragraphs and I need their moment to be special.


	7. What It Meant To Be Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's their Seventeenth birthday and the Hargreeve's still don't seem to remember that there's a world worth saving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, well, well, what's up kiddos. This is a funky little chapter you're about to read. It's also longer than usual and I had to cut it in half, so chapter eight will start exactly after this one.

**THE EMPTY**

“Vanya?” Ben's voice was quiet and wavy like water carried his voices sound waves.

“Ben?” she responded. It was odd, the feeling of nothing. She felt numb, but it also felt like she was feeling everything all at the same time.

“I got lost here after the theater.” His voice was rushed, and she could feel his anxiety in the waves of nothingness that enveloped them.

“So am I dead?” her voice asked the question before she had even processed enough to ask it.

“No I don’t think so, I can’t talk to Klaus anymore.” She could hear the sorrow in his voice, a voice that had just lost its whole world, he must have felt truly dead. “You have to listen to me,” his voice rushed with fear “we don’t have much time, I felt it with Allison, and Klaus before you,” his voice was fading. “Remember me, Vanya, accept this place into your mind, you have to figure out how to get us out of here, and tell–”

* * *

 

**1 October 2006 4:23 am**

When Klaus woke up to Ben's startled and lovable face looking towards the house, he’d like to say that he had a slice of dignity and didn’t pretend to have still been passed out, except it was exactly what he did. Truth is he didn’t remember why he was passed out in the courtyard in the first place, he was ninety percent sure he hadn’t done anything that serious last night, well fifty percent.

His little ploy of staying in Ben's arms led to someone carrying him into the house and plopping him on a hard surface, while Five and Ben stood over him poking and prodding. He shifted acting like he was just then waking up. “Hey,” he looked around at them and noticed they were all in the dimly lit dinner where they ate breakfast.

“Hey!” Ben slapped his cheek, “you don’t get to _hey_ me when you just randomly passed out.”

Five coughed getting everyone’s attention “What were you guys doing out this late anyway?”

With that comment, Ben’s face turned to a beet shade of red and he looked away from all of them. Klaus’ stomach sank to the floor and he begged all hell he didn’t do anything he wouldn’t remember. It was a disgusting feeling he had just thinking about doing something to Ben he wouldn’t remember. What if he forced Ben to do something? _What if Ben did something to Klaus he knew he’d forget?_ The thought made his whole body heat up.

“Yes, dear Ben what _were_ we doing out there?” Klaus raised an eyebrow at his not so innocent counterpart.

There was a gasp from the table and Five rushed over while Diego, Ben, and Klaus jumped where they stood. Luther who Klaus hadn’t noticed was standing at the entrance walked over to the table ready to attack anything that moved.

Vanya sat up on the table hyperventilating “Five,” she grabbed the air around her until her arms reached him “It’s Ben we,” she tried catching her breath, and her eyes were wide and searching “we can get all of our consciences back.”

He furrowed his brow at her “How?”

“Guys,” Klaus chirped “we have to go to bed it’s almost five.”

Time was beginning to not be on Five’s side.

Before they all left the room Ben stood in front of the door blocking them in “Um I don’t think any of us have said it yet,” Ben said in a shy voice.

“What the big L word?” Klaus nudged Ben.

The events from an hour ago bore into Ben’s mind again, the I love you, the _kiss_ , god he’s wanted to do that for forever. “No,” he chuckled “Happy Birthday.”

 

After the blackout, Vanya had hoped she would be the one who’d lost her memory. She wished her power could erase the pain from Fives eyes, and she really wished she could erase Ben’s desperate voice in The Empty. It’s what she called where their consciences were all locked up. The end of the world felt painfully close, and the biggest problem she was facing this time was: would she be the one to start it this time around?

Five knocked on her open door before coming in and closing it behind him. “You didn’t finish your story last night,” he stated. He was the same emotionally stunted man that touched her so kindly yesterday, well more like a couple of hours ago. She couldn't see the same feelings in him that he had shown her in the kitchen. She was beginning to feel like she was lying to herself about this whole situation.

“When I blacked out I went to this weird place,” she huffed “Well I don’t really think I could call it a place it's like,” she clicked her tongue trying to make him understand.

“It’s like nothing and everything at the same time right?” he smiled wide, and to Vanya, it was a wicked smile.

She scrunched her face at his excitement “Yeah that, that's exactly it. Uhm so it was like _that_ , and I heard Ben’s voice like grown-up Ben’s voice.” He scooted closer to Five like what she was about to say was sacred. Mostly it frightened her how he’d been stuck there all this time.

“You know he doesn’t feel like it’s been three years right?” he reassured her. “I mean to him it’s been around three days, it depends on how many times we’ve caused someone’s conscience to be stuck there with him. So that would be a day for Klaus at the very beginning, you were in there for the three years I was gone and then it went to Allison,” he froze. The comforting explanation no longer making sense to him.

“You know when you explain it like that it’s really funny,” she giggled “Ben sounded like he hasn’t spoken to Klaus in fifty years.” she nudged Five who was still frozen in thought.

She was about to ask him if he was alright but he stood up frustrated “It would make sense if it weren’t for you.” he said. She didn’t think he meant to say it so bitterly so she excused it.

He looked at her widening his eyes “You said you were with Ben, and Ben was stuck with the lost consciences right?” he circled his hands and spoke slowly hoping she could pick up on where he was going with the statement.

She tilted her head “Um yeah?”

“Vanya!” he said it as if she should know all the answers, maybe she was just too stupid to help him.

“What?” She shouted, annoyed at her lack of confidence.

“You didn’t lose your memory this time, Klaus did. You shouldn’t have been with him, and you also shouldn’t even remember being in there.” He looked at her curiously “What makes you so special?”

She scoffed “Why thank you Five, I dearly appreciate that.” She was happy she was on her medicine, she was well aware that feeling insignificant was a dangerous trigger.

“That was obviously not a jab at you Vanya, if you took it as such then that’s your problem.” He waved his hand dismissively. “We’ll have to discuss this with the others, it's our birthday after all.”

_There was no birthday girl only birthday kids._ She remembered saying those words to Lenwhore, but now they sounded different. Where before there was bitterness, now there was just sadness. Even now when her siblings knew how much isolation they forced her into, they all still blamed her for being who she was. Vanya wondered if she had been taught how to control her powers would her family still hate her? It would make sense if they did, she was powerful, more than all of them.

Her arms wrapped around Five suddenly. Her bangs rubbed against her forehead, it was a feeling she had long forgotten. He made a disgruntled noise before giving in to her embrace. He patted her back awkwardly.

She felt like crying, and she felt so utterly weak. “I don’t think we ever acknowledge your pain Five.” She felt his body tense, and maybe she had made him feel weak too.

“It’s fine.” his voice was blunt and she suspected all those years of isolation he just didn’t know how to be human anymore.

“You missed so many birthdays, so many mornings without enjoying the sunrise, just worrying about what you were going to eat,” her voice was wet, and she realized how odd it was that she was so sad about something that didn’t happen to her.

“It doesn’t matter now,” he said gruffly into her shoulder.

She pulled back her hands on his shoulder so he’d be forced to look at her “Hey, of course, it matters Five, come on it's me, it’s ordinary Vanya, you can be you around me.” She really wanted him to believe her words, and she really didn’t know why she wanted him to tell her everything.

He looked down at the floor slumping a bit “Why?” his voice remained unemotional, “you’d look at me the same as Luther.”

She couldn’t help but smile at something very unworthy of a smile “Like a cold-blooded murderer?”

He looked at her his eyes searching and pleading for something she didn’t understand how to give him.

“You were doing it to survive. Hell maybe you even enjoyed it, but it’s who you are, and it served a purpose.” she sighed “I was just throwing a cosmic bitch fit.”

He shrugged and it reminded them that her hands were still placed on his shoulders. “It was a justified cosmic bitch fit.”

“What I'm trying to say is that it's okay that you are who you are because you aren't just a hit man, does that make any sense?” she realized she had rambled on a bit at the end, but the sentiment behind her words was still prominent.

He nodded standing up. Their conversations were in no way innocent and they were becoming less so. Their feelings were so bold and untouched it felt like putting hot metal into a pounder. They were the only ones that could talk to each other this way, a way that said they understood each other. They've always understood each other.

She watched as Five walked out of her bedroom. She closed her eyes plopping down on her bed again. she could feel her heart racing, she would have never premeditated a speech like that, but she said it. She’s been saying what was on her mind more and she had to admit; it felt fucking fantastic.

Her heart hasn't slowed down, she felt it in her chest, her legs, and the tips of her fingers. Most of all she heard it in her head like a ringing in her ear that won't go away. It became the only thing she heard.

* * *

 

It was her fingers that first recognized the feeling. She was back in the place of punishment. Like a hotel of oblivion, she felt a presence she almost recognized somewhere deep in their shared space.

“Ben, it's Vanya. You have to finish what you were trying to tell me before.”

There was a sigh that felt like music in the space between them. “Dear Ben is sulking at the moment,” even without substances his voice was still slurred.

She had forgotten that Klaus had been put in here.

“Listen to me Vanya: little rebellious, angsty, seventeen-year-old me is wandering the halls of the academy looking for pain relief. You have to either keep him sober or get me back into my body it's important.”

She told him she would, and she really hoped she could keep true to her promise.

She rolled off the bed. The apocalypse didn’t seem that bad as she rubbed her eyes, it was probably her only chance to get the sweet eternal slumber she craved. She made a noise as her head shot up to the person she had run into as she walked into the hallway.

Diego looked at her annoyed and semi drenched in milk. “Ah Diego,” she clapped her hands together, “Just the man I was looking for.”

“With the way you dress, I’m surprised you’re looking for any man.” she rolled her eyes shoving him into her room. He looked for something to dry himself off finally settling on one of Vanya's T-shirts which he threw into the hamper in the closet. “Why were you looking for me?”

She sat on her bed “Well,” she stretched and her voice cut off  “to make a long story short, you’ve pretty much been the most useless one, both times we’ve tried to stop the apocalypse.” She smiled at him “So I’m giving you a chance to help.”

“Not really the best way to beg for a favor,” he combed the hairs on the back of his head down with his hand, “What do you need?”

“I need to get Klaus’ conscience back into his body, and to do that I have to lose mine,” she spoke fast time feeling less than plentiful. “It has to be mine.”

He nodded “So you need my help changing the timeline." He processed "But if you and I do something there’s a fifty-fifty chance it could be either of our subconsciouses.”

“...Yeah,” she moved her mouth thinking of a backup plan.

“Okay.” he said.

“Okay?” she let her gratefulness show in the single word.

He shrugged “We did come back to save the world, and I have nothing better to do.”

She gasped at him “It’s our seventeenth birthday.”

“We’ve already had one Van.” she tried not to visibly cringe at the nickname. She’d rather be neglected than to have to endure Van.

“I guess you’re right,” she stopped looking at Diego curiously “do you remember it?”

“I guess everything kinda blurred together before dinner,” he said after he too tried to recall the dusty memories. “So Dad’s going to get home around five or six, and it usually takes us about an hour to wake up so we should hurry up.”

Vanya nodded determined to do right by her family this time around.

 

So they’d come up with a plan. Albeit it had mentally taken five years, only an hour had gone by and it was mid-afternoon by the time they emerged from her room. Vanya absolutely despised the set plan, but it had to happen. It was the only way she could help get the anti-apocalypse show on the road.

Diego had gone in search of the siblings who he was assigned to round up and lay down.

Vanya took a deep breath mentally preparing herself. She was in charge of looking for Five.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't want to be one of those authors, but I do appreciate the kudos, and if you can please comment, I'll respond. I need friends.


	8. Vanya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanya is trying to get Klaus' conscience back to his teenage body so it can stay sober. One brother for another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I haven't updated I've been super busy, and I'm usually not, so it's been wack. Anyways I should be publishing two chapters either this week or next. There's a scene next chapter that I've been trying to add since like chapter six, but my chapters always end up being like 2k words, and I try to make them 1.5 so you can keep interested in my writing.

She hadn’t prepared herself to do this. Also, it should be very important to note that Klaus didn’t even explain why he needed to go back into his body. She cared too much for her useless family to be sound minded when it came to them. She was realizing all too late that the main reason she wasn’t allowed to attend all the so-called “Family Meetings,” and that reason was: she was too level headed. Well, she did kind of start the apocalypse, but it did start because of claustrophobia, and Luther's immense hubris. No one really noticed that she was taking anti-anxiety meds;  _which her dad had forced her to take_ ; t _o suppress her powers_. If simple common sense was not such a foreign concept to the Hargreeves this whole thing could have been very easily avoided.

“Hey!” She shouted finally spotting Five exiting his bedroom.

He looked at her confused at the sudden aggressiveness. “Five! Tell me why!”

He took a step back from her “Why what?”

He must have felt like he was talking to a whole different person. She strutted up to him so that they were on eye level. “Why you shot me in the head.”

His eyes widened impossibly big, and she felt more guilty that she ever had in her entire life, apocalypse included. It was the first time Five ever in his whole life stumbled on his words. “I- we- it was inevitable.” He drilled a hole into the floor with his eyes.

“Inevitable?” she mocked. “You could have given me a warning shot.”

“We- I couldn’t give you a chance to retaliate,” he looked up at her and she forced herself not to stumble back at the sight of tears in his eyes. “I worked so hard to get back to you, I mean all you guys, and it ruined me that you were the bomb.”

“Those years of isolation where I only had your book to learn about my family.” He didn’t even acknowledge the wetness on his cheeks “You don’t know what that does to a man. What it did to me. How hard it was to recognize my family through themselves, and not just how massive of dicks they were to you because that’s all I had. I had your opinion, your thoughts, and actions. I read how you were as an adult, and it came out of nowhere.” He took an uneven breath "I left you to grow up without me."

“The last time I talked to you, you were thirteen. You were wide-eyed and shy when you were with the others, but not with me. We weren’t Luther and Allison, but we were something greater than either of us could notice at thirteen. Then you were on pages older than I was. I read and read those words until I was twenty-nine like you guys. It was when I tried to get back to you and my hands vibrated with hatred and still, I was in Hell, that was when I gave up on ever knowing you.”

Vanya was frozen and Klaus was going to owe her a three-hour explanation on his need for a body. “Five, you left. That was on you, that was your choice.” She lost her train of thought.  _ Luther and Allison? _

“Luther and Allison?” She stared at his face searching for something more.

“What about them?”

“You. You compared you and me to Allison and Luther, and we all know what they're doing.” 

His face turned hard and distant, he never was one to get easily embarrassed. “I just meant we spent a lot of time together.”

She walked closer to him their feet barely an inch apart. She touched his cheek before taking in a deep breath and hugging him.

“Hug is a silly word don’t you think,” she muttered into his shoulder.

He hummed his response. She tightened her arms around him, and it was the first time she’d felt his body as older than thirteen. Thirteen and sixteen were too close to even be considered monumental, but it was easy to feel if it happened from one second to the other. He was taller of course, and his body was just more sure of itself.

She smiled facing the wall, it wasn’t the plan, but it had come from Number Two so she was lucky there was even one to gain from. Fuck the plan. 

She kept her arms on his waist as he reluctantly did the same more awkwardly. What she was going to tell him was something she could never do if she looked at him. “I don’t know what you meant with the Number One and Three comment, but Number Five, before anything else devastating happens to us, I just want to say,” she paused for effect. A lie was believable if it wasn’t a lie at all she realized. 

“I love you.”

* * *

“So are you finally talking?” Vanya asked Ben.

She felt like she could chuckle at his behavior, “To you sis, always.”

“Even after I destroyed the whole world?” She half-joked.

“Well, I’ve been dealing with Klaus long enough to know there’s a reason for everything, even really destructive behavior.” He sighed.

“Why weren’t you talking before?” She should’ve been used to the feeling she got when she was trapped in here, but she hadn’t, and it made her feel even more claustrophobic then The Room.

He ruffed out a disgruntled noise. “Because tiny me is an asshole.” Vanya was momentarily caught off guard by his crassness.

“Would you care to explain why?” If they did ever get out of this monumental mess they’d all created, the Hargreeves would have to meet each other. It was ludicrous, she thought, the fact that they’d lived in the same building for the first eighteen to nineteen years of their lives, and yet they were just complete strangers.

“I might be trapped in her for the rest of eternity so I guess I don’t really care about how any of you are going to feel about this.” Ben and she were just puffs of light in Nothing. Her opinion had never mattered to anyone so Vanya guessed this confession wouldn’t change anything.

“Go ahead,” she urged.

“Well sixteen-year-old me decided to create a whole other timeline where he kissed Klaus. So now Klaus has kissed me before I could ever kiss him, and I wasn’t really mad at him it's just embarrassing. He started to ask me all these questions about it, and he says that our loving each other was the reason that I could follow him everywhere.”

She hummed. “Well it’s about god damn time isn’t it.” If they were in physical bodies she was sure that Ben’s mouth would be agape.

It was fun teasing him.

There was a slight glowing and for a little while, she was just in awe of it, but then the light turned into an outline, and then she could see her body. She looked at her hands and her fingertips glowing blue and red but not making purple. She felt her body being pulled through a keyhole and then she was floating above her body. She looked around confused only for everyone to look through her.

* * *

Five groaned turning over. It took him a moment to recompose himself and then he saw Vanya next to him. He got on his knee’s shaking her and calling her name out. She flopped on his lap as she woke up slightly. Her eyes were droopy and as soon as she was Five her eyes widened. “Five you’re back! I was so worried about you, you just left. I mean I thought you were gone forever, and...it was just hard,” she closed her mouth, and then started talking in a lower voice “sorry I know I’m rambling, I’m sorry. I was just worried is all.”

He wanted to touch her cheek and tell her she wasn’t annoying. She really wasn’t. He just wanted his Vanya back, the one that he was just talking to, the one that had just said-  _ shit!  _ She told him she- “Um,” he picked her up and awkwardly shoved her off his knee. “I have to go so if you’re ok.”

Her face turned bright red before she stood up as fast as she could and went back into her room “Yea m’ok”

Why did she do that? Why did Vanya have to ruin his train of thought in a very crucial part of the mission?

_ I love her too. Am I ever going to tell her? _

**Author's Note:**

> Expect updates every Wednesday, or at least once a week.


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